June 11 Entry (diary based)

I wrote this last June 11, 2008. During the time I am so down. And thanks to my friends who supported me and helped me through this ordeal
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June 11, 2008
I've been acknowledging this lately. I think I am slowly sinking into depression. Ewan ko, I've been battling this for about a week now. Sa ngayon, super unexplainable ang feelings ko. A lot of my super closest friends told me not to go there, but I really can't help it. I think this is out of frustration. Saan? Maraming factors. Life in general -- Family, Work, Love, Friends, Career.
Reasons. Well basically at the moment, my life sucks! To the nth power yan. I feel so useless...
Family, kasi lately I am having a rough time with my mom and sister - sino bang hindi nagkakaroon ng problema sa pamilya? Kasi with them around me 24/7, feeling ko wala akong kwenta. They always and it never fails to make me feel worthless. Parang I am the "blacksheep" of the family. I am always the problem. In short laging ako ang may sala kapag nagkakaroon ng away especially between me and my sister.
Work. Just because I am protecting my rights as an employee by the case I've filed, naging persona non grata ako. I think nagkaroon ng stigma against what I did. I felt nobody is hiring me because of it.
Career. As of now, I am so lost! I'm not sure what path I want to go to. I know Advertising is a very cunning industry. I thought I was prepared and I am doing well, but I was wrong, Totally Wrong! Na truama ata ako for the last few months because of my ordeal with the industry, yung nangyari sa akin, nagdulot siya ng isang malaking dead-end sa buhay ko.
Love. Kasi I'm in a relationship na hindi ko gaanong nararamdaman. I am trying to turn to him as my pillar of strength but I felt he is bailing out on me. I always make excuses about sa ugali niya, na ganun talaga ang nature niya, na he doesn't seem to care but he really does; na he doesn't know how to show emotions. That's it
Friends. Kasi I feel yung iba umiiwas sa akin, especially yung mga dating kong kasama sa office. ewan. Tapos I just found out from a very good friend of mine since elementary that some people from the media advertising industry is talking nasty behind my back. They are making fun of me and making malicious accusation like manggagamit ako, na I am resigned na daw I am still attending trade shows, FYI to those people, I haven't resigned from my post not until JUNE 12, 2008. And before you say anything about me, try to know what happened first. Para at least may definite basis kayo ng pinagsasabi nyo. I though you were my friends because we came from the same alma mater and I've known you back then at we've been together in the same organization.
I think that's it! That's what brought me here, in this kind of state. Closest friends of mine are telling me that I'll pull through this, that they have their faith in me. But what about my family, my love, do they have same faith on me? I feel so alone. I can't help but cry. Kelan kaya matatapos lahat ng ito? I know I have and I need to do something. But how? Paano ako magsisimula muli? At saan ako magsisimula. Where will I pick up my life? Sana nga makaalis na ako sa ganitong kalagayan...dahil kung hindi...EWAN...
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that's it. People this blog is back then. Today is a different thing. I am just sharing this to the people I love and I am thanking those people who helped me face this stage. I love you all.